5 Reasons Firefighters are Better Lovers Than Cops
Written by Billy Galvin
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Published in HUMOR
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The friendly rivalry between fire and our brothers in blue runs deep. We have softball games for charity, hockey matches that occassionally end in fist fights, and ongoing battles on social media to prove who has the toughest job in emergency services.
But with all that aside, if nobody else is going to address the elephant in the room, I guess I'll have to do it myself. The big question everyone is too afraid to ask — but not too afraid to Google — is, who is the better lover.
We all know it's Fire, and here's why...
1) We carry big hoses.
Cops carry guns which have been known to fire prematurely. Firefighters carry large heavy hoses and we know how to use them. Our hoses stay charged until the job is done and we have accomplished our mission.
And we take our time, slowly caressing the damaged areas of the home with our life giving water. It’s not so for cops. It’s not their fault. It’s just the nature of the job. They rush in and bam! it’s done! What the fuck just happened? All that's left is a smoking barrel and some serious paperwork.
2) We’re trained in art of foreplay.
Just watch how we both enter a building. We use our tools to gain entry. We manipulate the lock or slowly pry our way in with soft gentle touches. We talk to the door, find out its deepest desires and secrets until it lets us in to put out that hot and steamy fire.
Cops use a battering ram with guns drawn screaming, “Let me see your fucking hands! Get on the ground!” That's not sexy at all!!! That's scary.
3) Just look at our vehicles.
Firefighters drive giant red trucks with built-in powerful pumps to take care of business. I mean, pumping is a big part of the job…think about it. Our trucks carry tall ladders to reach every nook and curve of whatever we are working on. The compartments are filled with tools for whatever needs to be done. Our sirens are loud and powerful and have been known to wake entire neighborhoods.
Cops? They drive cars... small, compact, and quick; it’s adorable. I'm not knocking them. They’re so cute parked next to our huge rigs. They look like you could fit them right in your back pocket.
4) We’re all about protection.
Firefighters always wear helmets to cover our heads. We believe in protective equipment because we use it everyday. I mean, no one wants to get burned right? So for you young firefighters out there, always cover up on and off duty.
Cops are supposed to wear those hats, but none of them ever do. They are too busy trying to look cool, and I get that. The only cops who cover their heads are the state troopers, and those guys are as fun as a shuffle board court in Zepher Hills, Florida — I went there as a kid. Fucking terrible. Another thing is their safety is not always on, so be cautious of those guns.
5) Breakfast in bed. We’re your best chance.
Firefighters can all (somewhat) cook. We are your best bet for breakfest in bed after a night of romance.
I don't really think cops can cook like we can. I’m sure you’d get some doughnuts out of the deal. Maybe a high five with a cup of coffee…I don't know, I’m just guessing.
Now let me end by saying this: I have a huge amount of respect for police officers and the work they do. This was just some firefighter having some fun with a brother trade in our emergency service family. But on a serious note, firefighters really do make the best lovers. Just don't ask our spouses. Take our word for it. Stay safe out there.
NEW! Read a police officer's hilarious rebuttal to this list.
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