In
case you missed the news that traditional courtship is dead, naked
people on VH1 stand ready to enlighten you. And in case you thought that
television networks had evolved beyond trying to attract viewers with
cheesy titillation — ditto.
Yes, it’s time for “Dating Naked,”
a reality series beginning Thursday on VH1 in which just-introduced
strangers looking for love are nude from the get-go. This comes nine
days after the new FYI channel, an A&E offshoot, introduced “Married at First Sight,” in which strangers paired by supposed experts begin their relationship by marrying, then decide whether they like each other.
Both
shows are probably inevitable next steps in television’s endless effort
to capitalize on the human need to pair up, which stretches back to
“The Dating Game” of the 1960s and runs through “The Bachelor,” “The
Millionaire Matchmaker” and odd variations like “It Takes a Church.”
The
two new entries are, of course, outrageous affronts to the style of
courtship that has served humanity quite well for millenniums, if you
don’t count the dismaying frequency of divorce
and resulting psychological damage to all involved. The shows are
taking what used to be the long-term goal — getting married or seeing
someone naked or both — and making it the starting point. As Chrissy,
one of the geniuses in the first episode of “Dating Naked,” notes: “It
is awkward meeting someone naked. I mean, usually you wait till sex.”
But
we will not here debate what these shows say about the state of modern
life, with its immediate-gratification mentality, lack of modesty and
self-restraint, and general tastelessness. What concerns us here is that
no one seems to have thought through the economic implications of what
these fatuous shows represent, specifically the inexorable march toward
television that is all nude, all the time.
“Dating
Naked” won’t seem all that scandalous to inhabitants of the texting
generation, for whom sharing photos of their naughty bits is now
routine. The series is just a continuation of a tawdry show-it-all TV
trend that began a year or so ago when reality series involving nude
castaways (“Naked and Afraid”), nude real estate transactions (“Buying
Naked”) and nude body painting (“Naked Vegas”) began turning up.
Fox has apparently been developing its own naked-dating show, though The Wrap
reported the other day that it has been postponed for reasons unknown;
maybe to study ways to make it nakeder than “Dating Naked”? Showtime
commissioned a video (title: “Undress Me”)
of strangers stripping one another as a promotion — oh, sorry;
according to the network, it’s a “social experiment” — for the new
season of “Masters of Sex.” In August, GSN introduces a body painting
show called “Skin Wars.” Clearly, there soon won’t be a clothed person left on television, reality or scripted.
That
is going to cost the jobs of countless costume designers, seamstresses,
ironers, dry cleaners. Several Emmy Award categories will disappear,
though in fairness, one will surely be added for outstanding blurring of
crotches and nipples. All-bare TV, while certainly clickbait for
14-year-old viewers and those who wish they still were, will be a net
loss for at least some series. I, for one, am not watching “Naked
Downton Abbey.” Without those costumes, it just won’t be the same.
And
let’s not forget the damage to the economies of Alaska, the Yukon,
Maine and other cold-weather locations that have been thriving in recent
years off the hunting, fishing, prospecting and survival shows filmed
there. “Ultimate Survival Alaska” is simply not doable as “All-Nude
Ultimate Survival Alaska,” even in the warm season.
Factor
in the endorsement of random coupling implied by “Dating Naked” and
“Married at First Sight,” and we as a species are now lower on both the
sartorial and the evolutionary scales than some penguins, which practice
courtship rituals leading to committed relationships and have plumage
that at least looks vaguely like clothing. The ultimate
didn’t-think-this-through, though, is envisioning how these shows match
up with another booming genre, the wedding-dress series, represented
most prominently by the “Say Yes to the Dress” franchise.
That
genre is built on tensions related to selection of the dress and the
groom’s likely reaction to it. What happens to such shows when the bride
and groom haven’t even met before the wedding and they’re married in
their birthday suits?
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