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Shutdown Corner
Super Bowl ads 2015: Grading the best and worst of the Big Game
By Jay Busbee36 minutes agoShutdown Corner
It's Super Bowl time again, and that means it's time for Super Bowl ads again. Here, your comprehensive breakdown of all the beer, cars, wacky animals and attractive young people parading across your TV screen during breaks in the Seahawks-Patriots matchup, live and as they air. Pencils ready? Go!
GRADE: A
Snickers: Danny Trejo/Marcia Brady
You absolutely cannot beat Danny Trejo threatening vengeance of an eye for an eye in the Brady Bunch universe. (We all wanted that, especially for Cousin Oliver.) Combine the stinger of Steve Buscemi at the end, and you’ve got yourself a perfect Super Bowl ad.
You absolutely cannot beat Danny Trejo threatening vengeance of an eye for an eye in the Brady Bunch universe. (We all wanted that, especially for Cousin Oliver.) Combine the stinger of Steve Buscemi at the end, and you’ve got yourself a perfect Super Bowl ad.
eSurance: Walter WhiteOh, Walter White, star of "Breaking Bad," a chemist once again. We miss you so very, very much. This was outstanding.
BMW: Newfangled Idea
Nice touch here, using old footage from Bryant Gumbel and my co-worker Katie Couric trying to figure out “What is Internet?” (Don’t laugh, you didn’t know what “Internet” was in 1994, either.) No idea what kind of ride BMW is really pushing here, but after that ad, I’m not going to look stupid by admitting that.
Nice touch here, using old footage from Bryant Gumbel and my co-worker Katie Couric trying to figure out “What is Internet?” (Don’t laugh, you didn’t know what “Internet” was in 1994, either.) No idea what kind of ride BMW is really pushing here, but after that ad, I’m not going to look stupid by admitting that.
Nationwide: Invisible Mindy Kaling
Nice little bit here from Mindy Kaling, going in for a smooch on Matt Damon. We'd go for more cash than ice cream if we were invisble, but that's just us.
Nice little bit here from Mindy Kaling, going in for a smooch on Matt Damon. We'd go for more cash than ice cream if we were invisble, but that's just us.
Dove Men+Care: Real Strength
This ad was the greatest ad ever in the history of ads because dads should always do everything their kids tell them to because kids grow up too fast. (This grade written by my kids.) Seriously: cheap heartstring-pulling that’s surprisingly effective on dads, probably totally ineffective on anybody without kids. This grade is for our dads, Dove.
This ad was the greatest ad ever in the history of ads because dads should always do everything their kids tell them to because kids grow up too fast. (This grade written by my kids.) Seriously: cheap heartstring-pulling that’s surprisingly effective on dads, probably totally ineffective on anybody without kids. This grade is for our dads, Dove.
Avocados from Mexico: First Draft
Nice spin on an old "Chappelle Show" bit. Sorry, polar bear. No Mexico for you.
Nice spin on an old "Chappelle Show" bit. Sorry, polar bear. No Mexico for you.
Doritos: Airplane Seat
You show me a person who is excited to file onto a plane, I'll show you a person who has consumed far too many Doritos.
You show me a person who is excited to file onto a plane, I'll show you a person who has consumed far too many Doritos.
SquareSpace: DreamingWithJeff.com
Maybe Jeff Bridges is yanking our chain with this whole “DreamingWithJeff” business, maybe he’s not. Either way, The Dude automatically gets an A grade, even though that’s just, like, my opinion, man.
Maybe Jeff Bridges is yanking our chain with this whole “DreamingWithJeff” business, maybe he’s not. Either way, The Dude automatically gets an A grade, even though that’s just, like, my opinion, man.
GRADE: B
Toyota: Amy Purdy/Muhammad Ali
An appropriately inspiring montage of Purdy;s activities backed by a pulsing beat and Ali quotes. It’ll make you want to get off the couch and do something, though maybe not “buy a new car.”
An appropriately inspiring montage of Purdy;s activities backed by a pulsing beat and Ali quotes. It’ll make you want to get off the couch and do something, though maybe not “buy a new car.”
Tomorrowland: Movie trailer
No idea what it's about, but it looks intriguing enough. Rocket ships? Retro-future architecture? George Clooney being all mysterious-like? We're willing to wait for the next installment.
No idea what it's about, but it looks intriguing enough. Rocket ships? Retro-future architecture? George Clooney being all mysterious-like? We're willing to wait for the next installment.
Budweiser: Best Buds
Oh COME ON. ENOUGH WITH THE SAD ANIMAL ADS, BUDWEISER. This ad looks like it was genetically blended in a laboratory to induce maximum AWWWW from your Super Bowl viewing party, from the precious pup in the rain to the noble Clydesdales to the somber funeral version of “500 Miles,” one of the most upbeat songs of all time. And it works, gosh darn it.
Oh COME ON. ENOUGH WITH THE SAD ANIMAL ADS, BUDWEISER. This ad looks like it was genetically blended in a laboratory to induce maximum AWWWW from your Super Bowl viewing party, from the precious pup in the rain to the noble Clydesdales to the somber funeral version of “500 Miles,” one of the most upbeat songs of all time. And it works, gosh darn it.
Weight Watchers: Binge
You put down the sixteenth chicken wing when that one came on, didn't you? And then you picked it right back up again when no one was looking.
You put down the sixteenth chicken wing when that one came on, didn't you? And then you picked it right back up again when no one was looking.
GRADE: C
Game of WarKate Upton on horseback is always a safe bet for a certain viewer segment. How on earth does an app have enough money to buy a Super Bowl ad, though? We're all of us in the wrong business.
Carnival Cruise Lines: Come back to the seaWeaving in a JFK quote and some shots of ships that look amazingly impressive on HD, Carnival comes up with a solid ad that'll be reusable for awhile because you don't get sick of it after just one viewing.
Skittles: The usual way
We expect strangeness from Skittles, and they don't disappoint, delivering an ad where everyone apparently arm-wrestles for Skittles. They do make more of those, you huge-armed freaks.
We expect strangeness from Skittles, and they don't disappoint, delivering an ad where everyone apparently arm-wrestles for Skittles. They do make more of those, you huge-armed freaks.
T-Mobile: Kim Kardashian
We’re still not sure Kim knows this is really a joke. If she thinks this is a real charitable effort, this instantly vaults to an A. Overall decent enough gimmick and the Kardashian angle will no doubt cause a bit of hasty explanation to parents, but come on --- it’s a Kardashian, the C- at best of American culture.
We’re still not sure Kim knows this is really a joke. If she thinks this is a real charitable effort, this instantly vaults to an A. Overall decent enough gimmick and the Kardashian angle will no doubt cause a bit of hasty explanation to parents, but come on --- it’s a Kardashian, the C- at best of American culture.
Terminator: Genesys
Why the heck would you make a Terminator that looks old? Is that some kind of self-consciously retro move on the part of SkyNet? That's like if the iPhone 7 was a brick with an antenna that you had to extend. The flipping school bus was a nice touch, though. Hang on tight, kids.
Why the heck would you make a Terminator that looks old? Is that some kind of self-consciously retro move on the part of SkyNet? That's like if the iPhone 7 was a brick with an antenna that you had to extend. The flipping school bus was a nice touch, though. Hang on tight, kids.
Nissan: Cat's in the Cradle
Please please PLEASE can we have a moratorium on emotionally manipulative ads? Come on. "Cat's in the Cradle" plus growing kid plus crying mom plus dad with sad eyes? Really? We're just trying to enjoy the game here, Nissan. Stop making us feel guilty for not spending this time swinging our kid around in the yard.
Please please PLEASE can we have a moratorium on emotionally manipulative ads? Come on. "Cat's in the Cradle" plus growing kid plus crying mom plus dad with sad eyes? Really? We're just trying to enjoy the game here, Nissan. Stop making us feel guilty for not spending this time swinging our kid around in the yard.
WeatherTech.com
This ad seemed nice enough, but I was still rattled from the Nationwide dead-kid ad, so I fear I didn't give it a realistic assessment.
This ad seemed nice enough, but I was still rattled from the Nationwide dead-kid ad, so I fear I didn't give it a realistic assessment.
GRADE: D
TurboTax: Boston Tea PartyLook, try all you want, TurboTax, you're not going to convince us that filing our taxes is fun. Also, does this ad make you the British Empire and us the revolutionary peasants? We're still the good guys, right?
Lexus: Make Some Noise
This one's for the auto fetishists only. Stop dancing around my pretty car, people! You're gonna scratch it!
This one's for the auto fetishists only. Stop dancing around my pretty car, people! You're gonna scratch it!
Coca-Cola: Bullies on the Internet
Aside from the total assault on the senses that is the opening part of this ad, since when did Coke ever calm anybody down? Decent attempt at a postmillenial spin on the classic "I'd like to buy the world a Coke" ad from the '70s, but still ... a little too on-the-nose there with the scene-setting, Coke.
Aside from the total assault on the senses that is the opening part of this ad, since when did Coke ever calm anybody down? Decent attempt at a postmillenial spin on the classic "I'd like to buy the world a Coke" ad from the '70s, but still ... a little too on-the-nose there with the scene-setting, Coke.
McDonald’s: Pay With Lovin’
This is … look, no way around it, this is weird. When you’re going into a McDonald’s, you’re generally not interested in having a cashier determine whether you’re appropriately loving or not. Enforced affection may be the only substance with more calories than a McDonald’s Big Mac Meal.
This is … look, no way around it, this is weird. When you’re going into a McDonald’s, you’re generally not interested in having a cashier determine whether you’re appropriately loving or not. Enforced affection may be the only substance with more calories than a McDonald’s Big Mac Meal.
Fiat: Blue Pill
Kids, ask your parents why the old man wants that blue pill so badly, and what it did to the car.
Kids, ask your parents why the old man wants that blue pill so badly, and what it did to the car.
GoDaddy, Hardworking Guy
After getting grief for its "too hot for TV" ad in which a puppy got sold, GoDaddy had to act fast, and this highly not offensive one was the result.
After getting grief for its "too hot for TV" ad in which a puppy got sold, GoDaddy had to act fast, and this highly not offensive one was the result.
GRADE: F
Nationwide: Childhood AccidentsWHAT THE ACTUAL HELL, NATIONWIDE? That is the most depressing commercial I have ever seen in my life. Really! Dead kids at the Super Bowl? Fire your ad agency. Then re-hire them, make them watch that ad 50 times, then fire them again.
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Jay Busbee is a writer for Yahoo Sports. Contact him at jay.busbee@yahoo.com or find him on Twitter.
Jay Busbee is a writer for Yahoo Sports. Contact him at jay.busbee@yahoo.com or find him on Twitter.
And keep up with Jay over on Facebook, too.
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