What Tech Terms Need to Die?

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Technology creates amazing new advances that make our lives easier. It’s also a wellspring of dumbass words. Let’s talk about the latter for a second.

There was a moment back in 2012—let’s saaaay February 20—when I was introduced to a new word: Phablet. It is of course a portmanteau of “phone” and “tablet” meant to point out how smartphones, especially in Asia, were starting to become ludicrously huge. Now, that the trend has been exported around the world, phablets (eck!) are everywhere. Can we just call them phones, please?

Also, the p-word isn’t only dumb, it’s an aural assault to your ear holes like nails to a chalkboard, dinner knives scratching a ceramic plate, or Britney Spears without autotune. It’s the worst, and it simply needs to go away.

Are there any other tech terms out there that need to burn in the fiery pits of vocabulary hell? Let’s burn it down, and maybe take some pointers from Icelanders.

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BigFatPartyAnimal
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BigFatPartyAnimalDarren Orf
5/09/15 6:30pm
Gonna go out on a limb here and say Wi-Fi. I mean what is it? I coy play on the term HiFi which was short for High Fidelity? So what does that may WiFi? Wireless Fidelity? I mean kinda get it and yet what else do you call it? Seems like a term some guy thought was clever.

GIF should be GIF with soft G, even though the creator recently said it was JIF, he was wrong :)

12 Reply
- JediaKyrol
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  JediaKyrolBigFatPartyAnimal
  5/09/15 6:40pm
  
  PNG should be pronounced “Pong”, not “Ping”.
  
  1 Reply
- DrMosesTrue
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  DrMosesTrueBigFatPartyAnimal
  5/09/15 6:40pm
  
  Golly. Wi-Fi. If only there was a way to find things like this out. If only there was, like, a web page where you could type words into, and then it would search other pages on the internet. I wonder...just maybe...if 1 minute spent using such a thing could answer your question.
  
  Also, JIF would be a soft G.
  
  13 Reply
- Ashisyou
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  AshisyouBigFatPartyAnimal
  5/09/15 6:44pm
  
  Wifi is easier to say than wireless internet.
  
  4 Reply
- What? Me Worry?
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  What? Me Worry?JediaKyrol
  5/09/15 6:48pm
  
  People pronounce it “ping”? I’ve never heard anyone say it, but if I did, I might have to slap them.
  
  13 Reply
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Cielmer
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CielmerDarren Orf
5/09/15 6:06pm
“Hack” to describe doing anything.

123 Reply
- paulrey27
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  paulrey27Cielmer
  5/09/15 6:10pm
  
  Oh my gosh. This! +1987345.
  Shut it down. We have a winner.
  
  7 Reply
- CIA_Burner_account
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  CIA_Burner_accountCielmer
  5/09/15 6:15pm
  
  ..except writing for Gizmodo. lolz juskidding
  
  8 Reply
- BooFinch
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  BooFinchCielmer
  5/09/15 6:33pm
  
  Fuck! If I hear one more person say “I hacked my friend’s facebook account”... When there friend left their account signed in and they merely updated with some “witty” status... I’m going to punch them in the throat!
  
  20 Reply
- oldtaku
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  oldtakuCielmer
  5/09/15 6:42pm
  
  That Lifehacks site is the worst. Lifehacks: remember to eat and breathe. WOW.
  
  11 Reply
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zeta0134
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zeta0134Darren Orf
5/09/15 6:16pm
“Cloud.”

Where is the cloud? Is it a remote server? What about the My Cloud nonsense that you run out of your home? Is it storage? Is it a virtual machine? Is it where iPhone photos go to die?

This one marketing term is so pervasive and it’s thrown in front of everything even remotely internet related, and it just needs to stop.

28 Reply
- Jonathan Reese
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  Jonathan Reesezeta0134
  5/09/15 6:33pm
  
  (sigh) A “Cloud” is any storage focused machine virtual or otherwise, usually remote, that stores information that can be accessed remotely through multiple devices simultaneously, and usually collaboratively.
  
  Your media server? Technically a cloud. Dropbox, Drive, Skydrive, all Clouds.
  
  “Cloud Computing” is the outsourcing of data usually done locally to remote servers for processing.
  
  The “Cloud” terminology is nebulous, because the applications and usage are nebulous as well.
  
  10 Reply
- TheLaughinKipper
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  TheLaughinKipperzeta0134
  5/09/15 6:34pm
  
  As much as I also hate it, whoever came up with the term must be a marketing genious. Whereas saying “the Internet” conveys images of instrutable technology and instills fear on the layman, calling it “the Cloud” suddenly makes it all sound like it works thanks to the power of magic, and all is well then.
  
  6 Reply
- Alcoholic Tony Stark
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  Alcoholic Tony StarkJonathan Reese
  5/09/15 7:07pm
  
  “Cloud Computing” is the outsourcing of data usually
  
  Uh, no. “Computing” and “Data” do not equate. Try again.
  
  I’m reminded of William Gibson’s answer to an audience question once.
  
  Q: “Where is Cyberspace?”
  
  A:[pause]...[pause]...”I don’t know, but I know it’s where the bank keeps my money.”
  
  Where is my server? “In the cloud.”
  
  Where is my database? “In the cloud.”
  
  Where is my porn? “In the cloud.”
  
  I hate it, but it works. I hate it as a marketing term though.
  
  1 Reply
- Gene
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  Genezeta0134
  5/09/15 7:12pm
  
  Just install Cloud to Butt Plus and you’ll never have to see it again!
  
  7 Reply
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Geid
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GeidDarren Orf
5/09/15 6:34pm
Live tweeting. All tweeting is live tweeting.

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LightStriker
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LightStrikerDarren Orf
5/09/15 6:10pm
Nah... Phablet is good, because it makes fun of those huge, hard to use and stupid phone that can’t even fit in a standard pocket.

13 Reply
- ikaiyoo
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  ikaiyooLightStriker
  5/09/15 6:25pm
  
  What in the fuck are “standard pockets”????
  
  18 Reply
- catalysto
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  catalystoLightStriker
  5/09/15 6:38pm
  
  I love my phablet! As a photographer, screen real estate is far more important to me than the petty opinions of those who hate them. Frankly, I’m not sure why people find it necessary to criticize such a choice, but whatever. Deal with it.
  
  2 Reply
- JediaKyrol
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  JediaKyrolikaiyoo
  5/09/15 6:38pm
  
  ones that a pocket protector fits snugly in.
  
  1 Reply
- TheLaughinKipper
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  TheLaughinKipperLightStriker
  5/09/15 6:39pm
  
  In my book, “phablet” is a derogatory term.
  
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MallocArray
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MallocArrayDarren Orf
5/09/15 6:49pm
For sure the term “drone". 99% of the time they mean simply Remote Control and not autonomous

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- Settings
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  SettingsMallocArray
  5/09/15 7:25pm
  
  “Drone” does not mean autonomous though, it means unmanned, like UAV. I think it should apply to anything that flies and doesn’t have a person onboard.
  
  3 Reply
- RRustyShacklefordd
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  RRustyShackleforddSettings
  5/09/15 8:01pm
  
  I hate when people use the term to cast what essentially is the same thing as a childs RC helicopter in the same light as an unmanned bomber. Just because it has 4 propellors instead of 1 and can buzz around you doesn’t mean its somehow evil. (Refer to videos of crazy people freaking out in public parks at people flying drones for fun)
  
  3 Reply
- the-duckster
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  the-ducksterSettings
  5/09/15 8:06pm
  
  No.
  
  1. The male of the honeybee and other bees, stingless and making no honey.
  
  2 a. an unmanned aircraft or ship that can navigate autonomously, without human control or beyond line of sight:
  b. (loosely) any unmanned aircraft or ship that is guided remotely:
  
  Notice how 2b is preceded by “loosely”. That’s kind of relevant. It means that this is not correct but enough idiots use the term in this context so we have to put it in here. And this is what news media likes to do. Now when some guy with his radio controlled airplane crashes it in the park the media gets to do a teaser of “drone crashes in public park. Film at 11!!!”
  
  So lets try this:
  
  Drone = autonomous
  
  UAV = Remotely controlled with video feedback
  
  RC = Radio Controlled
  
  End of story.
  
  4 Reply
- JSWilson64_g
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  JSWilson64_gSettings
  5/09/15 8:07pm
  
  I think it should apply to anything that flies and doesn’t have a person onboard.
  
  Sounds reasonable. I’m gonna go play with my drones now.
  
  20 Reply
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Erelde
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EreldeDarren Orf
5/09/15 6:16pm
Could we finally call Mac “Personal Computers” ? And if we want to debate that topic use “Windows vs Mac OS” or “Microsoft OS vs Apple OS” ?
It seems to me that keeping calling Mac something other than PC is just keeping many people uninformed about what is a PC and what they’re really buying, the OS.

25 Reply
- TheLaughinKipper
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  TheLaughinKipperErelde
  5/09/15 6:37pm
  
  This. Particularly stop saying “PC” when referring to the Windows Operating System.
  
  16 Reply
- bardwso
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  bardwsoTheLaughinKipper
  5/09/15 7:25pm
  
  Asked a 6th grader the other day what OS his computer was running. He replied, “Dell or HP. I can’t remember”.
  
  I talk technology and tech repair to my students on a regular basis. (way to source ‘broken’ material for my class lab)
  
  On the fliop side had 4th graders tell me a motherboard looks like a city when they saw me working on one once. :-)
  
  2 Reply
- BadassNoor
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  BadassNoorErelde
  5/09/15 7:53pm
  
  Apple has spent billions of dollars on marketing to get people to make the distinction. Until Apple goes away or changes their stance, this won’t change.
  
  2 Reply
- doho1234
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  doho1234BadassNoor
  5/09/15 8:19pm
  
  Speaking of which...”taptic” annoys me to all ends.
  
  5 Reply
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mcdj
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mcdjDarren Orf
5/09/15 6:24pm
If I hear one more person describe their company as a “startup”, I’m going to disrupt them right in the vertical integration.

32 Reply
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BadassNoor
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BadassNoorDarren Orf
5/09/15 7:54pm
I’ll vote “Retina”. It is a marketing term that has millions of people convinced that their screens are the best, even if completely outclassed by competitors.

9 Reply
- dccorona
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  dccoronaBadassNoor
  5/09/15 8:24pm
  
  That’s not really the terms fault, though. If it wasn’t that, it’d be something else...the marketing machine would roll on.
  
  Also, there’s very few competitors that completely outclass retina displays...there’s plenty that outclass them in terms of resolution (though you can argue that that’s useless beyond a point), but very few that outclass them in every measure, or even most measures. The only one that really comes to mind is the displays Samsung is using.
  
  Reply
- BadassNoor
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  BadassNoordccorona
  5/09/15 8:36pm
  
  When it comes to laptops and tablets, both the Galaxy Tablets and the Surface have better displays than the Macbook and iPad. When it comes to phones, LG, Sony, Samsung, and HTC usually have better displays as well. It is just that most people won’t ever know this because the Apple, and now Samsung, marketing machines are too strong.
  
  1 Reply
- BurkusCat
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  BurkusCatdccorona
  5/09/15 8:48pm
  
  If other companies could use the phrase “retina displays” to classify their own displays I wouldn’t mind it. It is just when Apple during a keynote says “this is the only phone with a retina display”...fuck off.
  
  2 Reply
- Nillaz
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  NillazBadassNoor
  5/09/15 9:03pm
  
  I came here just for this. Seriously Apple, go fuck yourself.
  
  1 Reply

Midtown Blogger/Manhattan Valley Follies

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