Translation from English

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Trio of Stories from "The Onion"

The Onion Logo

ZZ Top Reveals Meaning Behind Classic Song ‘Legs’

TOP HEADLINES 

Popular

END OF SECTION

Unconventional Director Sets Shakespeare Play In Time, Place Shakespeare Intended

MORRISTOWN, NJ—In an innovative, tradition-defying rethinking of one of the greatest comedies in the English language, Morristown Community Players director Kevin Hiles announced Monday his bold intention to set his theater's production of William Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice in 16th-century Venice. 
"I know when most people hear The Merchant Of Venice, they think 1960s Las Vegas, a high-powered Manhattan stock brokerage, or an 18th-century Georgia slave plantation, but I think it's high time to shake things up a bit," Hiles said. "The great thing about Shakespeare is that the themes in his plays are so universal that they can be adapted to just about any time and place."
According to Hiles, everything in the production will be adapted to the unconventional setting. Swords will replace guns, ducats will be used instead of the American dollar or Japanese yen, and costumes, such as Shylock's customary pinstripe suit, general's uniform, or nudity, will be replaced by garb of the kind worn by Jewish moneylenders of the Italian Renaissance.
"Audiences may be taken aback initially by the lack of Creole accents," Hiles said. "But I think if they pay close enough attention, they'll recognize that all the metaphors, similes, and puns remain firmly intact, maybe even more so, in the Elizabethan dialect." 
Added Hiles: "After all, a pound of flesh is a pound of flesh, whether you're trying to woo a lady in 16th-century Europe, or you're a high school senior trying to impress your girlfriend with a limo ride to the prom, like in the last Merchant production MCP did in '95."
Though Hiles, 48, is a veteran regional- theater director with extensive Shakespeare experience, he said he has never taken such an unconventional departure. The Community Players' 1999 production of Othello was set during the first Gulf War, 2001's The Tempesttook place on a canoe near the Bermuda Triangle, and last year's "stripped- down," post-apocalyptic version of Hamlet presented the tragedy in the year 3057.
Hiles said he became drawn to the prospect of setting the play in such an unorthodox locale while casually rereading the play early last year. He noticed that Venice was mentioned several times in the text, not only in character dialogue, but also in italics just before the first character speaks. After doing some additional research, Hiles also learned that 16th-century Europe was a troubled and tumultuous region plagued by a great intolerance toward Jews, historical context which could serve as the social backdrop for the play's central conflict. 
"Even the names just sort of fell into place," said Hiles, who had been planning to center the play around an al-Qaeda terrorist cell before going with an avant-garde take. "Theater is about taking risks, and I'm really excited to meet this newest challenge." 
Some of Hiles' actors, however, have reacted negatively to his decision. Some are worried Hiles lacks the knowledge and talent to pull off the radical revisionist interpretation, while others characterized it as "self-indulgent." 
"I guess it's the director's dramatic license to put his own personal spin on the play he is directing, but this is a little over-the-top," said Stacey Silverman, who played Nurse Brutus in Hiles' 2003 all-female version of Julius Caesar. "I just think Portia not being an aviatrix does a tremendous disservice to the playwright." 
Added Silverman: "You just don't mess with a classic."

The Pros And Cons Of Flying The Confederate Flag

A South Carolina bill to remove the Confederate flag from its position in front of the state house is gaining momentum, with the House of Representatives currently reviewing the bill and preparing to vote. Here are the pros and cons of flying the Confederate flag:

PROS
  • Bold way to display distorted, painstakingly cherry-picked heritage
  • Stirring symbol of South’s never-surrender attitude 150 years after South’s surrender
  • It’s already all the way up there on flagpole
  • Simplest way to let others know your state ranks in bottom quintile of all quality-of-life metrics
  • Eliminates uncomfortable feeling of having to say aloud what you think of African Americans
  • Political correctness should not get in the way of being on the wrong side of history
  • Without it, nation might forget racism ever happened in U.S.
CONS
  • Can’t fully grasp its incredible grandeur like you can on a bedspread or garage door
  • May arouse negative feelings among blacks regarding 19th-century states’ rights, currency inflation, and sectarianism
  • U.S. flag already represents history of entrenched prejudice just as well
  • Eliminates tedious raising, lowering, and triangular-folding tasks
  • Has always been sad reminder of The Dukes Of Hazzard’s cancellation
  • Could give accurate representation as to what kind of person is flying it
  • There still plenty of other ways to make nation’s black population feel despised, derided, and inferior


30-Year-Old Factors In Birthday Money

MEDFORD, OR—While calculating his budget Wednesday, Ben Hollis, a 30-year-old man, carefully factored in the birthday money he’ll receive next month as a way to offset a number of expenses, sources confirmed. “I usually get $100 from my parents, and then there’s a $25 check from Aunt Darlene, and another $25 from Aunt Lorrie, so that’s groceries right there,” said the full-grown adult, who then made a mental note to call his grandparents later that week to talk about his birthday plans so that they’ll remember to send their customary $10 bills. “If Uncle Howie sends something, I might only have to pay half of my phone bill. Then I can get the new Tomb Raider game.” Hollis reportedly reassured himself that if the value of the anticipated gifts falls short of expectation, he can spend his own money on his gym membership, but he’d prefer not to.

ZZ Top Reveals Meaning Behind Classic Song ‘Legs’

HOUSTON—More than three decades after the song was a chart-topping smash and became an instant classic-rock staple, ZZ Top finally revealed to fans Tuesday the meaning behind its iconic hit “Legs.” “People have been coming up with all these crazy interpretations for 30 years, so we’ve finally decided to just come out and say that the song’s about a woman’s sexy legs and how much they make us want her sexually,” said lead vocalist Billy Gibbons, acknowledging that spelling out the meaning of “Legs” might take away from its longstanding mystique. “If the song means something else to you, that’s still cool, but there were lots of people who wanted to know what we were driving at.” Gibbons went on to say, however, that most of ZZ Top’s songs, such as the anti-apartheid anthem “Tush,” were pretty straightforward.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Please leave a comment-- or suggestions, particularly of topics and places you'd like to see covered