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Study: U.S. Wastes 2 Million Hours Annually Figuring Out Where Tape Roll Starts
BLOOMINGTON, IN—A new study published Friday by researchers at Indiana University revealed that U.S. citizens waste approximately 2 million hours annually trying to figure out where a roll of tape starts. “According to our data, thousands of hours are squandered each day by Americans running their fingers along the outside of a roll of tape until they stumble upon the frayed edge where the tape begins,” said the study’s co-author Bethany Cohen, who noted that the amount of time Americans fritter away bringing the roll of tape up close to their face and slowly tracing their fingertips around its perimeter accounts for nearly $15 billion annually in lost productivity. “Furthermore, we discovered that when Americans eventually find where the tape starts, they waste an additional 4 million hours per year meticulously picking at the tape with a fingernail until they have a large enough tab to peel back the adhesive material.” The study also found that $700 million worth of tape is lost annually when a useless, narrow part of the piece sticks to the roll and accumulates around the edge.
Study: Employees Happiest When Pretending To Work From Home
A new study from IBM says that simply letting employees pretend to work from home keeps them satisified and happy on the job.
Man Recalls Desperate, Exhausting 14-Month Job Search That Made Him Want To Get Into Sales
ATLANTA—Calling it a vital, formative experience that led him to find his true calling, junior sales associate Matthew Swenson recalled Wednesday the desperate and exhausting 14-month job search that inspired him to pursue a career in sales. “Looking back, I guess you could say it was the frustrating year I spent tirelessly applying to job after job and taking any interview I could get that made me realize what I wanted to do with my life,” the 29-year-old told reporters, describing how the hundreds of résumés he sent out to companies across a variety of industries, most of which he never heard back from, instilled in him a deep desire to become a sales professional the moment he was offered a position in that field. “After scouring online postings for hours each day, nearly giving up on finding any job at all, and then coming across an opportunity to get into sales, I knew deep down it was the path I wanted to take. And here I am.” Swenson added that when he meets recent college graduates, he assures them that once their morale hits a low point and they’re willing to grab hold of anything that comes their way, they too will discover their passion in life.
Economists Warn New Graduates May Have To Tough It Out For 5 To 6 Weeks Before Landing Dream Job
CAMBRIDGE, MA—Acknowledging that employment prospects for young Americans remain bleak, a report released Thursday by the National Bureau of Economic Research warns recent college graduates they may have to tough it out for up to six weeks before landing their dream job. “It is important for college graduates to realize that, in this tough economic climate, you may endure a month, possibly a month and a half, of sending out résumés before you secure the perfect job in the field of your choosing that exceeds even your wildest expectations,” said Dr. Kyle Ferguson, author of the report, adding that students should prepare themselves now for the possibility they may spend up to half the summer grinding it out in search of a deeply fulfilling position that satisfies every single one of their criteria. “It’ll definitely take multiple rounds of applications, and you may even have to settle and work at your second- or third-most ideal option during the month of June. However, if you keep your head up and stick with it, the data suggest that you will receive an employment offer for the position you have always longed for well before Labor Day weekend.” Ferguson added that, given currently stagnant wage growth, recent graduates should be willing to accept a salary at 90 to 95 percent of what they feel they deserve.
Frustrated NSA Now Forced To Rely On Mass Surveillance Programs That Haven’t Come To Light Yet
FORT MEADE, MD—Expressing frustration over Congress’ decision to let the provisions allowing the bulk collection of phone data expire, annoyed National Security Agency officials reported Monday that the organization would now be forced to rely exclusively on mass surveillance programs that have yet to come to light. “Unfortunately, lawmakers chose to limit our intelligence-gathering capabilities by discontinuing key sections of the Patriot Act, and now we have no choice but to depend on a number of other civilian-monitoring initiatives that continue to remain hidden from the public,” said NSA director Michael Rogers, adding that, although the agency still has a wide variety of covert hacking, wiretapping, and GPS-tracking programs at its disposal that have not yet been exposed by whistleblowers or investigative journalists, the end of its ability to record the phone data of millions of Americans still represents “a fairly sizable inconvenience” for the organization. “Obviously, we will continue to carry out our duty of protecting the United States, but without the powers granted to us under Section 215 of the Patriot Act, I guess we’ll just have to make do with our Dark Sky systems, the Linguos Protocol, and Project OPTIC, among several dozen others.” Rogers noted that while the NSA was disappointed to see the old metadata collection program lapse, ultimately the capabilities of its newer surveillance projects make the old one look miniscule in comparison.
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