India

Why solo dining can be tough for women in Delhi

Solo dining can sometimes be a harrowing experience for a single woman in the Indian capital, Delhi, as Anasuya Basu finds out.

I imagine people must be wondering if I am a lonely spinster or trying hard to get lucky when I breathe deeply and say to the waiter: "Table for one, please?"

Often the restaurant manager or the waiter will look at me warily as I walk through a maze of tables and babbling guests to ask to be seated.

Negotiating a table for one with mirthless waiters and blank faced managers is a challenge in any popular restaurant in Delhi.

"Single, madam?" asked a waiter at a popular eatery, specialising in south Indian cuisine.

It was lunch hour on a working day and the restaurant was fast filling up.

Inane excuses

Plainly reluctant to accommodate me, the floor manager went past empty tables, made some inane excuses and asked me to wait outside the restaurant in the oppressive heat.

I refused to budge. The senior manager was hurriedly consulted and I was given a table without a single word of apology.

The tension and hostility was palpable. No one appeared to take my order. People were scanning my face to see any sign of discomfort.

After 15 minutes, a disinterested waiter stopped by to take my order.

I was not their ideal customer, the high spender with a bunch of garrulous friends, and was certainly cutting in on their revenue by blocking a table for four. Other diners stared at me.

To make matters worse, the waiter at my table sent two more customers to sit alongside me without even bothering to check with me. I was in no mood to argue with the outlet managers any more and quickly paid and left, vowing never to return.

A 60-year-old upscale restaurant in central Delhi, featuring prominently on Lonely Planet, invites guests to "savour leisurely treatment and follow a distinctive journey".

But it doesn't quite live up to its tall claims.

They don't like single women diners, won't readily give you a table and if you stand your ground then they will stiffly plonk you at a table at the far end of the room, dimly lit and usually filled with beer drinking, loud men.

In this dark corner, you can sit alone at a table for four and be subjected to low whistles, stares and guffaws with the waiter smiling tightly and asking if you would like some alcoholic beverage.

I refused the table, spoke to a senior manager, got a table for two, ordered a gin tonic and settled down to enjoy my lunch.

I was aware that people around me were staring but ignored them. After a while they all look like furniture to me. The same crop of stewards and managers greet you warmly if you happen to dine there with a male companion.

The attitude in five star hotels is no different.

Beneath the veneer of politeness, stewards keep an eye on you all the time and keep asking you at regular intervals if you are alright and need anything.

Parul Shirazi, a food writer and blogger, said: "I rarely go out alone to dine and definitely avoid dining out alone at night. I arrived early at a five star hotel and was waiting for my husband to join me for dinner. The waiter kept asking me every few minutes if I was ok. I wasn't having a seizure, I told him and would signal to him if I needed anything. I don't suppose they will behave with a male guest this way. I couldn't help feeling that they wanted me to leave."

There are, of course, exceptions.

The atmosphere at a small restaurant in southern Delhi, for example, is a welcome change.

Mary Lalboi from Manipur runs the restaurant like a well oiled machine. She has a woman chef as well as a woman restaurant manager and makes a special effort to ensure women diners are comfortable, don't feel awkward if dining alone and she often stops by for a chat with her single woman guests and other customers.

"I never turn away a lone woman customer no matter how busy the restaurant is. I am here to build a brand on the strength of the quality of my service and goodwill of my customers. Profit is important but not everything. Reaching out to guests will take me far," she says.

Bars in the city are male bastions. A lone woman having a sun downer sitting at the bar will turn more heads and invite more snide remarks than a man kissing in public.

Though pubs and bars set aside a day in the week exclusively for women and woo them with free drinks, it's still a long way to go for a single woman to drink without being harassed and eat a meal at a table of her choice.

In my bid to reclaim public space, I have raised the standard of rebellion. I refuse to retrace my steps now.

A table for one is as much fun as a table for two.

Anasuya Basu is a public relations professional and writer