5 Reasons Firefighters Are Super Weird
Written by Billy Galvin
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Published in HUMOR
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I've noticed over the years the people of our trade say and do some strange shit. Here are some of the odd quirks I have seen over the years.
1) We have been known to smell other guys' gear.
Why do firefighters gotta smell stuff? We all do it. We may not realize it, but we do it. Think about it, you come in the morning of your shift and you get a whiff of that sweet smell of fresh work. So what do you do? You immediately walk over to the rig and just to be sure you start whiffing the gear like a pervert in Jennifer Lopez's panty drawer.
Why? I have no fucking idea, we just do it. The other day my buddy was showing me his helmet after a fire and I gave it a quick whiff. He was like, "Did you just smell my helmet, bro?" And I was like, "You bet I did, bro."
2) We have some pretty intense T-shirt pride.
Now please everyone, don't flip out over this one. There's nothing wrong with being proud of where you work. But do it in moderation. Holy shit, I have seen guys who ONLY wear that shit. We are the only trade that does this. You don't see guys wearing shirts with their law firm's names printed on it, or a nurse wearing the shirt of the hospital they work at. Think how crazy that would look:
St. John's Hospital. ER-floor, Second to None. Or, Callahan Law Offices. We'll Fucking Ruin Your Year, Boom!
The sayings on the firefighter shirts are unreal too. I once witnessed a guy bail out on the front lawn. He stripped off his gear and was wearing a shirt that said, we go where others won't. Now that's irony for ya. Looking like a yard gnome in the front yard while his boys are throwing down...Go take that fucking shirt off.
3) We work with at least one guy who's obsessed with ropes.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy working with the ropes. But why does that rope guy walk around the station like he has a PHD. I can make fun of this because I kind of am this guy.
Rope guy thinks he is Russell Crowe from A Beautiful Mind because he can tie a clove hitch. He acts like others can't understand his genius because they can't tie knots like he can. It's funny...every station has one.
4) We love reflective shit, like a little too much.
I have noticed a lot of firefighters are attracted to anything with a reflective stripe. I know it's for our safety, and I don't want anyone to get hit by traffic — that is terrible. But some of the stuff these guys are wearing is crazy. They look like fishing lures.
I am gonna call it, in the future, mark my words, our jackets will have built in strobes running off a battery pack. We're gonna look like something from a fucking comic book. I was once forced to wear one of those chartreuse traffic vests. It was very similar to that scene in A Christmas Story when Ralphie had to put on that pink fucking bunny costume.... Just fucking awful.
5) We're all about facial hair, except we can't really have it.
From what I have seen, the first thing you do when you retire is grow a ridiculous beard because now you can. Grown men acting out is always entertaining, that's a thing in every fire house. There's always a guy trying to see how far he can get without shaving. You gotta give it to him. He's trying to push it the extra mile to blaze the trail for others. It always ends the same. Either you end up clean shaven, or left with a mustache that is trying to be a beard.
What are some other odd behaviors from firefighters at your station? Share your own in the comments below. Be safe out there, and thanks for reading.
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