Post traumatic stress disorder is a dangerous aspect of the job for firefighters. But until recently, it was rarely talked about. 
"You always thought you had to be macho and not accept any responsibility for what is going on in your mind," said City of Nanaimo firefighter Captain Mike Rispin. 
Rispin responded to a call a few years ago that changed his life. 
"I had trouble concentrating, I had difficulty maintaining interest in anything," he said. 
The team was short staffed, only he and two other firefighters were available to respond to a call of a major accident involving a car and a motor home. 
"One of the bystanders ran up to me at the very start of the call and said you have to help my buddy. He is trapped in the motor home and he is burning alive," he said. 
Mike Rispin Firefighter accident changed his life
Firefighter Mike Rispin and colleagues had to use the jaws of life to remove the body of the dead driver. (Mike Rispin)
Rispin was able to save the man inside the motor home but the driver of the car died.
He had to take four weeks off after responding to that call. 
"I think for all first responders, we always think that any call that we go to we could always do a little better [...] but this one continued to bother me," he said. 
It took a toll on his health, sleep and relationship with his spouse. 
"My spouse found it very difficult, I was very quiet I didn't' speak to her and I think that it is from all the catastrophic things that we do see," he said.  
Rispin says too often firefighters bottle up their emotions, which leads to a tipping point for PTSD and other mental health issues. 

Road to suicide

This year alone 30 first responders committed suicide in Canada, two of those were firefighters from Surrey. Both Kevin Hegarty and Ernie Dombrowski were struggling with PTSD.
"It hit us hard," said Mike McNamara, president of the Surrey Fire Fighters Association. 
Kevin Hegarty memorial
A number of firefighters attended the memorial service for Kevin Hegarty held in Surrey, B.C. (CBC)
But they are trying to change the narrative around mental health.
"An emotional injury or a mental health issues are no different than any other injury in your body," said McNamara. 
Firefighers in Surrey are playing in a hockey tournament for mental health today to raise awareness.

Election issue

The issue of support for first responders has even emerged as an election issue amongst fire fighters in North Vancouver.
The association is endorsing Liberal candidate Jonathan Wilkinsonbecause of the party's PTSD and first responder's platform. 
The Liberals pledge to create a national strategy to deal with PTSD as well as provide compensation to families of public safety officers who die or are injured on the job and reverse the cuts to the Heavy Urban Search and Rescue teams. 
The NDP also promise to compensate those who die or are injured in the line of duty. 
The Conservative platform makes no mention of the issue. 
To hear the full interview listen to the audio labelled Firefighters battle with post traumatic stress disorder with the CBC's Rick Cluff on The Early Edition.
With files from Jeremy Allingham.