Who's That At The Door? Oh, Just 11 Ravenous Raccoons
The good news is, we probably know what became of the "thick" Flushing Meadows alligator. The bad news is, he's presumably been devoured by a pile of bloodlusty raccoons terrorizing northeast Queens. Do you have family in Queens? That's too bad. They're gone now.
The above photo shows nine of the masked demons clamoring at the door of one Bayside home around 7:30 p.m. yesterday—and two more are out of frame. That's 11 fanged garbage wraiths waiting to eat the parents of Matt Ringler, who snapped the photo before managing to escape out the side door, leaving his parents for dead.
Reached by phone, Ringler tells us that his parents do have four indoor cats, but insists they weren't taunting the vermin. "I think the cats were probably freaked out by the amount of wildlife that was going on out there," he said.
Nor can the crush of raccoons be attributed to delicious food scents wafting from the kitchen, as the family had gone out to dinner that night. Ringler says his parents were utterly unfazed by the throng of murder zombies waiting for them outside their door. "They're just hungry," his stepmom reportedly said. I asked Ringler whether his parents regularly feed the savage rodents, perhaps encouraging them to congregate by the kitchen door. He tells me he's not sure. I asked him to please check.
Ringler has sensibly decided that he will no longer be visiting his parents in northeast Queens, as the risk of being torn apart in a flurry of dexterous paw-hands is too great.
"I'm out, I'm done. I'm divorcing my parents," he told Gothamist. "I'm in the market for new parents who don't have raccoons."
Though Ringler says he will miss visiting his childhood home, he's pleased by the social media fame the ordeal has brought him.
"I've never had a tweet blow up like this. I've had some good ones, but this was like instant overnight," he said.
Congratulations, Ringler, on your newfound Twitter stardom. Sorry about...everything else.
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