Dispatch advising to expect wait times for 50 Shades of Grey related rescue calls

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Posted by: RJ 6 hours ago0 Comments - Add Yours

The Steeleville 911 call center is advising residents to expect wait times of over an hour for non-emergency rescue calls. With the release of the movie 50 Shades of Grey on a Valentine’s weekend and Friday 13th the fire department is swamped.

In addition to the routine shenanigans taking place, there has been a major upswing in BDSM related mishap calls. Handcuffs breaking, untie-able knots, and straps with buckles that fail to release are just some of the rescue calls the FD is being sent on.

Dispatcher Kate Melicor told CallTheCops, “Once every few months we get that call to cut someone out of handcuffs after some kinky sex goes wrong. But last night and now today we are getting two to three calls per hour. The fire department calls out they arrived on one scene and the next call comes in. It is embracing for me to tell someone they will be chained to their bed for an hour because they guys have to cut other people out of beds first.”

Resident Jason Taylor is outraged by the slow response from the fire department. “Why is this taking so long? If they are busy they should be calling in extra firefighters to speed this up. I am getting cold waiting for them to show up. If I find out they are making me wait just to humiliate me I will be calling my lawyer…”

The fire chief and the police chief both want citizens to be assured these calls are being taken as quickly as possible. True life and death emergency calls come first so people suffering sexual mishaps will need to be patient until help arrives.

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ABOUT RJ

RJ is just some dumb cop and formerly was a firefighter. When not harassing people or depriving them of their rights he enjoys trying to get some sleep.