WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD??-- Casey Daily Dispatch

From the Casey Daily Dispatch with a few additions by Midtownblogger Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? Sarah Palin: "The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!" Barack Obama: "Let me be perfectly clear: if the chickens like their eggs, they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period." John McCain: "My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road." Hillary Clinton: "What difference, at this point, does it make why the chicken crossed the road?" George W. Bush: "We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. Heh, heh! We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here." Dick Cheney: "Where's my gun?" Colin Powell: "Now, to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road." Bill Clinton: "I did not cross the road with that chicken." Al Gore: "I invented the chicken." John Kerry: "Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it." Al Sharpton: "Why are all the chickens white?" Dr. Phil: "The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before he goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems." Oprah: "Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens." Anderson Cooper: "We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road." Nancy Grace: "That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks." Pat Buchanan: "To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American." Martha Stewart: "No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information." Dr. Seuss: "Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told." Ernest Hemingway: "To die in the rain, alone." Grandpa: "In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us." Barbara Walters: "Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road." Aristotle: "It is the nature of chickens to cross the road." John Lennon: "Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace." Bill Gates: "I have just released eChicken2013, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2013. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot." Albert Einstein: "Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?" Colonel Sanders: "Did I miss one?" Ayn Rand:" The Chicken was Bold and Self Reliant and breaking free of the collectivist fear of crossing the road." Venice Beach, CA, resident: "The chicken did what it had to do. Then it went surfing." Lawrence Kreger: The Chicken Saw the Road and said "Awesome, Dude! I am going to empower myself to cross this road and then tick the box so it is off my bucket list. " Soren Kierkegaard: " Sometimes the chicken just has to take the leap of faith and just cross the road." Paul Tillich: "What mattered was not the leap but the chicken's Ultimate Concern." The Pope:"The chicken expressed its basic dignity and faith in Christ despite its lack of material aids in crossing the road, and this simplicity should be emulated by those of us whose Holy Duty it is to guide other chickens." Vladimir Putin: "Forget the chicken, I am still the official champion road crosser of all the Russias. And I don't even wear a shirt when I do it." Chicken: "What road? Can't you see I'm texting? Now pardon me while I grab a quick selfie." Road: That's just it, nobody gives a damn about me ( yeah, I know, "boo hoo", you will say), I do my best year after year since they built me back when Eisenhower was President, but now the fact that I am crumbling makes me like some kind of creepy presence out of "The Twilight Zone" because TAX MONEY will have to be raised to fix me, and we all know there is nothing more evil than TAX MONEY...Let the chicken go cross the RIVER, probably by using my abused cousin THE BRIDGE or the equally dicey old RAILROAD TRACKS and leave me alone! Rand Paul: The Marxist road is symptomatic of the manifestations of all the liberal elites and obviously should be replaced by a privately built and operated toll road like we used to have back when this country was the way THE FOUNDERS intended it to be. Sheriff McCracker: We never used to have no problems with these damn roads and "free-range chickens" when we had the good old chain gangs instead..... now they're putting all these bad men in air conditioned cells with TV's and everything and all these homos are running around on the road really as-you-please in their cars with the "just married" signs on them. 'Nuff said.