The 18 Worst Things About Hawaii (No Really)

Posted: 02/23/2014 8:00 am EST Updated: 02/23/2014 8:00 am EST

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Yeah, yeah, it's paradise -- we know. People are happier, healthier and less stressed in Hawaii, but that doesn't mean there aren't a few annoyances, gripes and inconveniences behind all those rainbows and sunsets.
Cry us a river with the below 18 worst things about Hawaii:
1. The traffic is soul-crushing
Honolulu ranks number two nationwide for cities with the worst traffic, and when you consider the streets crumbling with potholes and seemingly endless freeway closures, you'll wonder why the heck it isn't number one. It is second only to Los Angeles, with the average Honolulu resident sitting in jams for 58 hours annually.

2. Radio station monotony
With all that time in the car, you'd think the radio stations would be up to the task. Sadly, in addition to being a few months behind the mainland in terms of new music, you're likely to hear the same 5-10 songs on every local radio station. (You better really love Lorde or reggae music.)

3. You're not allowed to complain ... about anything
Try venting to someone trapped in the polar vortex and you won't be met with much empathy -- no matter how legitimate your gripes.

4. You have to be swimsuit ready all.year.round
No bulky sweaters or long pants to cover up holiday weight gain -- if you live in Hawaii, you have to be hairless, toned, and ready for beachwear at a moment's notice. Here's what we think about that...

5. It's a revolving door
There is a lot of turnover in Hawaii; people move here for an adventure and then go back to "reality." While this means you are always meeting new people, it also means that friends are constantly leaving. Be prepared for going away parties to be a social staple.

6. The cost of living is ridiculous
Almost all of Hawaii's food is imported from the mainland, making your grocery bill a shocking expenditure. A pack of hamburger buns goes for $5.59, almost $3 more than it costs at a similar market in Washington, D.C., and Hawaii consumers pay nearly double the national average for a gallon of milk.

7. Shark attacks become a real and everyday fear
It's not just fantasy anymore. You will meet people who have come across sharks, you will swim at beaches where there have been known shark sightings, and while the odds are still very, very low, you'll never shake that eerie feeling that a shark is just about to attack you.

8. You can't escape people
Never want to see an ex again? Hoping to avoid a colleague or frenemy? Good luck. You both live on a small island in the middle of nowhere.

9. One word: Vog
Allergy season is all year round and unpredictable. And instead of pollen causing your itchy eyes, it's vog: the volcanic smog that wafts over from the Big Island.

10. Sun guilt
This might sound made up, but it's a real thing in Hawaii. Some days, you just want to stay on the couch all day and binge on Netflix. Hawaii's sun and active lifestyle, however, will make you feel guilty for being lazy -- which, as we all know, almost defies the restorative power of lazy days.

11. You'll never see a big concert again
Hawaii's a bit out of the way, which means no big time musicians ever perform here. On the rare chance that they do, like local boy Bruno Mars is doing in April, good luck getting tickets.

12. If you're not an avid surfer, yogi or other outdoor enthusiast, you will, at one point or another, feel like a second class citizen
Remember how the cool kids made you feel in high school? Surfers and yogis can do that with a single shaka or namaste.

13. Say hasta la vista to quality Mexican food
If you love fish and Asian cuisine, you're golden. If you have a hankering for spicy guac and flavorful burritos, good luck -- Hawaii is notorious for bad Mexican food.

14. You'll work as a tour guide all the time -- but you'll never get paid
Sure, the first few guests are fun, but when you're playing tour guide for the tenth time in two months, you'll consider moving into a studio with no couch just to avoid hosting visitors.

15. It's quite possible you'll live on a road that none of your friends on the mainland can pronounce
Ki'i'oni'oni Loop, anyone? Ma'ipalaoa Road? Ki'ona'ole Road?

16. You'll develop an apathy towards current events
When you're 2,400 miles from the next closest landmass and you're spending most of your free time outdoors, you'll find that keeping up with the news is exceedingly difficult.

17. You'll never get dressed up again
Kiss your high heels, your boots, your blazers and ties goodbye. No one in Hawaii dresses up -- ever. Slippers (aka, flip-flops) are work appropriate in most offices and anyone wearing a full blown suit looks alarmingly out of place. While this is pretty awesome most of the time, you may find yourself craving a little glamour every now and again, if for no other reason than to break up the shorts and tank-top monotony.

18. Island fever
It's real, people. You will, at one point or another, really miss things like road trips, weekend getaways that aren't to another island, and unpredictable weather. And, if you don't get them, you might start to feel a bit stir crazy...